I am not a medical professional, licensed counselor, or addiction specialist. I am simply someone who has found that Tarot cards help me with recovery. I dedicate this flagship essay to
and the rest of the community—you found me at exactly the right time.This post contains references to alcohol use and phone addiction.
It’s Sunday morning, or maybe Saturday. The details don’t matter. The first sensation I feel is the unforgiving rigidity of the dirty linoleum tile against my matted hair. My tongue is course grade sandpaper, my mouth a vat of acid.
I open my eyes. Someone left the blinds up, or maybe they’re broken. The rent is only $300, so what am I expecting will happen? The Sun’s laser-like persistence snakes its way between the cracked slats, meets my irises, and bores into the back of my skull.
I am hung-the-fuck-over.
With great effort, I push my head to the side. I haven’t moved a muscle save for my eyelids. The weight of my face is Sisyphus’ boulder, my consciousness his mountain.
I tell myself that my hangover is a badge of honor, because here I am, alive to tell the tale, having enjoyed great conversation long into the night. The pros choke the life out of the cons. It’s 2006, I am 26 years old, and I tell myself that I am invincible.
The Sun is a giant star found at the center of our solar system. In a universe that is mostly darkness and emptiness, it is the most important source of energy for life on Earth. Energy gives off light, which produces heat. Heat, in turn, evaporates water. Scientists project that, because the Sun’s brightness increases at a rate of about 1% every 100 million years, in about a billion years, maybe longer, the Earth will dry up.
We are incredibly lucky to be alive. Life is not infinite. Human consciousness is the exception. I don’t know about you, but the fact that life didn’t have to happen at all makes me appreciate it even more.
We encounter the Sun on the 19th card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot. The Major Arcana, or majors, are the special cards that juice up the 52 minors that we can think of as echoes of standard playing cards. If the Minor Arcana are the altos who transmute the beauty of everyday life into artful storytelling, the majors are the coloratura sopranos who reverberate otherworldly messages that both transcend and validate our experiences. The Sun is two heartbeats away from the top note in the musical scale, the final star in a series of celestial bodies that watch over our mortal and spiritual paths.
The Sun’s rays shine a light on the best and most simple aspect of life: just being. We are here, impossibly—we are alive, we have consciousness and are free to notice and appreciate beauty. Lisa Sterle, creator of Modern Witch Tarot, tells us that “There is wonder and warmth everywhere” (29), and we have been given an opportunity to be present for it.
When we are in active substance use or compulsive behavior patterns, waking up mid-afternoon to bright lights doesn’t exactly inspire awe or a lust for life (even though we often mistake our “badges of honor” for these more worthwhile feelings). Instead we might experience shame, guilt, or physical pain, and our negative self-talk puts us at greater risk of relapse.
Rather than rationalizing our withdrawal symptoms as a sign that we had a good time, or telling ourselves that our two hours of first-thing-in-the-morning doom-scrolling is the best medicine to calm our anxious thoughts, the Sun invites us to shine a light on the parts of us that are hurting, and to find a healthy way forward in this consciousness that is inexplicably and gloriously ours to navigate.
Good Morning, Sunshine Mindfulness Spread
This Tarot spread is dedicated to anyone who feels called to reconnect with recovery in any form, whether it’s distancing yourself from alcohol, social media use, a toxic relationship, or any behavior that is negatively impacting your life.
Grab a tarot deck. (For some fantastic deck recs, please visit my Secular Tarot Witch Bookshop.) Flip through the cards until you find the Sun. Set it aside.
As you shuffle the cards, I invite you to be present with the physical sensations you experience. What do the cards feel like? Are they flimsy or stiff, smooth or worn? Do they fit in your hands easily, or do you find yourself putting extra effort into corralling them? What do they smell like? (Weird, I know, but bear with me.) Bring at least two adjectives into your mind.
Now I want you to close your eyes and picture the actual Sun and the sky surrounding it. Is the day in your mind’s eye bright, partly cloudy, or stormy? What shades of blue populate the atmosphere?
Open your eyes and spend a few moments studying your Sun Tarot card. What is your initial reaction to it? What parts of the image bring you joy? Do any aspects of the image ask you to sit with pain?
Using any method you like, pick a card and place it to the left of the Sun. This card represents your compulsions or addictions.
Pick another card and place it to the right of the Sun. This card represents your recovery.
Some questions to consider:
Do you notice any common themes when you look at all three cards? For instance, do they all feature people? Is one color or shape predominant? Without consulting any written information, what do these commonalities say to your intuitive self?
Do either or both of the cards you drew seem out of place with the Sun? If so, why do you feel this way?
Does your addiction/compulsion card suggest anything about your past choices that you hadn’t considered before? Do you see a message of compassion that helps you forgive and love yourself?
What actions does the recovery card illustrate? Can you connect this card with tools or skills you’ve learned from a sponsor, trusted friend, support group, or another recovery resource?
A Good Morning, Sunshine Reading for My Phone Addiction
For this reading, I’m working with Lisa Sterle’s Modern Witch Tarot Deck.
The publisher, Liminal 11, uses super heavy card stock. I didn’t like the way the cards felt until I’d broken them in a little. Now I love their weight. They feel constant, sure. Because I grew up in a card playing family, I wanted to figure out how to shuffle Tarot cards just like any other card deck. My hands have grown accustomed to the extra stretch. The cards smell plastic-y and a bit like musty fabric softener. I am thinking about my grandmother, Phyllis, card player and shuffler extraordinaire, and someone who I’m certain would have had a TikTok account to show off her tap dancing and singing skills. She and I shared so much, both interests and personality traits. I wonder if she would have faced the same struggles with phone addiction that I do?
When I close my eyes and think of the Sun, I imagine its rays peeking through a dark gray cloud in a dull sky. Shades of blue range from cobalt to dimmed aqua. A storm is coming, or has it already passed?
The Modern Witch Sun depicts a young girl sitting on a white horse. She holds a giant red flag off to her side. How is she so strong? Her smile is infectious. She and her equine companion make me think of playing with My Little Ponies when I was little. I am certain that I believed they could talk to me. I miss that girl. She didn’t know that one day she would grow up to be someone who constantly stares at a glowing rectangle.
My phone addiction: The Empress
My recovery: 10 of Pentacles
My observations:
One thing that stands out for me is the warm colors on all three cards—lots of yellows and reds. These colors have an activated energy. There are people on all three cards, so I am reminded that my journey to recovery is about human connection. I can use my experiences with addiction as a way to commune with others who face similar struggles.
I think both cards I drew align beautifully with the Sun.
The Empress card is all about feminine energy and connection with the physical realm. I immediately think of the Moon and menstrual cycles. I have missed out on so many opportunities to tap into a conscious awareness of my alignment with the Moon because I have not been present. The Empress reminds me that I am still here, there is still time, I still have feminine energy inside of me, the Moon isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
The 10 of Pentacles reassures me that recovery from phone addiction is possible, and it shows me that there are people in my life now, and in the future, who will show me healthier ways to interact with the world by being present with family, friends, my group therapy ladies, and now anyone reading these words. I am hopeful and excited for a future without phone addiction, and I am building the steps to this future simply by bringing attention to my present struggles.
This is such a cool use of tarot within navigating our addiction stories! Excited to meet the next sponsors!